聪明的你看到了什么？ -freeofattachment(永夜) @费城华人论坛:费城枫下论坛 The Rolia Forum of Philadelphia

聪明的你看到了什么？

freeofattachment(永夜)

本文发表在 rolia.net 枫下论坛交往了三年的男朋友对彼此的关系开始变的犹豫不决了。最后的一年一直是心猿意马。细节不想多说了，但是最后的这一年已经不再有过去的温馨，经历了无数次的分分合合，最后终于决定不再等待黯然离去。他在分手的几天后给了一个信息，说自己的心告诉自己其实很想和我在一起，可是知道我伤心所以去意已决。说他很痛苦，但是我不用给他回电话，说他的伤痛慢慢会被时间治愈。并且最后祝我幸福。
我确实哀莫大于心死。但是不能明白也不能平的是：

1.过去他前妻提出离婚，他拼命的挽回，无论怎样被拒绝被冷淡都无怨无悔，做了各种能想到的事情去挽回；
2.离婚之后的他正式交往了一年的一个女朋友，因为种种原因选择和他分手，旧戏又再次上演他费尽苦心的去找她，去挽留她希望她能给他再一次机会，并且说这一生不会再遇到像她那样适合他的女人；

当然，结果是两次都以他彻底失败告终，原因很简单--两个人不管是对他失望了还是如何，在和他分手前都已经另有所属了。他的努力当然不会生效。

我愿意承认自己是愚蠢的。尽管他给了我很多原因为什么过去两次他会那样做，他当然说不是为了爱因为他对她们没有那样的感情，可是但是我始终不能理解，难道他现在对待我们的感情的态度难道真的就说明了他对我的感情是真的---不做任何实质上的事情去挽救？

哈哈。除了大笑，我竟然找不到什么更好的方式表达我的心情。男人就是这么回事。

不过说真的，聪明的你，你是不是看到了什么？更多精彩文章及讨论，请光临枫下论坛 rolia.net

(#7131332@0)
Last Updated: 2011-12-8
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痴情女子负心汉。在爱中的女人是瞎子。同时丧失了所有的智慧。可笑的可悲呀。 -freeofattachment(永夜); 2011-12-8 (#7131344@0)

我要是回了帖，是不是我就聪明了？他可能是灰心了，可能跟爱不爱没关系。要是都过去了，就move on吧，想这些没意思的 -tyra(Zara); 2011-12-8 (#7131355@0)

我也这么觉得。。 -9604(眯眯眼); 2011-12-9 (#7133169@0)

也许你心里有一些不平衡，不过，轻轻地放下，是对自己最好的爱护。事情已经过去了，你还背着那份伤痛做什么。当然，说说容易，做起来肯定要时间。 -vavav(山野兔子); 2011-12-8 (#7131370@0)

Oh yeah, with time...... -tyra(Zara); 2011-12-8 (#7131379@0)

看到了满满一缸醋。 -lilianliang(彪妹); 2011-12-8 {40} (#7131401@0)

别想了，是你的跑不掉，跑掉的必不是你的。

simple and true point -lalalala(啦啦啦); 2011-12-9 (#7131662@0)

哈哈，是我，我懒得猜，，。let it be。。 -member321(123); 2011-12-8 (#7131407@0)

看到你的“用心良苦” -littlesweetbean(咖啡卷发); 2011-12-8 (#7131409@0)

有啥好看的。蹲马路边看还差不多。 -snowmm(十五); 2011-12-8 (#7131418@0)

GOOD FOR U -dang_dang(漂流的瓶子); 2011-12-9 (#7131504@0)

男人女人,老农民种子地,男人赚钱生孩子的交易,如果没有成功,那个是条件没谈好, move to next one. -caa(移民的孙悟空lifeisok); 2011-12-9 (#7131510@0)

Everybody wants something he can't have, that's human nature. You are too available for him. -princemeetsprincess(西门小鸟); 2011-12-9 (#7131692@0)

看出来了，他是个贱男；对于爱自己的不懂得珍惜，不爱自己的又非舔着脸去追；他离开你，你应该高兴，对于这样的男人，不值得伤心。整理好心情，等待真正属于你的好男人吧； -yoyo23(纯水有香); 2011-12-9 (#7131695@0)

站这里 ~~~~~ 还有人有时就是这么的.. , 越是得不到的越想要 ~ -littlebird09(小小鸟); 2011-12-9 (#7131779@0)
又整理我，修理我。。。。 -melifeisgoodme(好心情); 2011-12-9 (#7131789@0)

啥意思呀？莫非你是男主角？ -yoyo23(纯水有香); 2011-12-9 (#7131813@0)

哈哈．．．．因为你说了　＂整理好心情＂，　他就对号入座了.．．． -littlebird09(小小鸟); 2011-12-9 (#7131820@0)

哦，没准好心情一面壁，LZ的心情就变好了呢 .........:))) -yoyo23(纯水有香); 2011-12-9 (#7131837@0)

要是这样大家都好，我天天面壁 -melifeisgoodme(好心情); 2011-12-9 (#7131842@0)
啊？。。。。。这个也和好心情有关啊 -vavav(山野兔子); 2011-12-9 (#7131846@0)

他自己申请来的, 好童鞋啊 ~ -littlebird09(小小鸟); 2011-12-9 (#7131855@0)

你说得很透明。。。都是小香说的：“整理好心情，等待真正属于你的好男人吧； -yoyo23(纯水有香);” -melifeisgoodme(好心情); 2011-12-9 (#7131861@0)

透明好, 简单兔子容易明白 ~ -littlebird09(小小鸟); 2011-12-9 (#7131869@0)
如果她整理你一下，心情就变好了，你愿意么 ? -yoyo23(纯水有香); 2011-12-9 (#7131896@0)

可以 -melifeisgoodme(好心情); 2011-12-9 (#7131901@0)

不聪明的我，个人觉得那是习惯性后悔。此人不愿意担责任，此种做法唯一可解释的就是，都是你们不要我的。。。。 -melifeisgoodme(好心情); 2011-12-9 (#7131700@0)

这次好像是他先放弃的吧?～ -littlebird09(小小鸟); 2011-12-9 (#7131859@0)

然后，他再来求，我们和好吧。。。。看你不愿意吧，，所以说是你不要我的。。。。 -melifeisgoodme(好心情); 2011-12-9 (#7131863@0)

原来都这样? ..... 还是我太透明了? ~ -littlebird09(小小鸟); 2011-12-9 (#7131867@0)

A movie <He is not that into you>. get over with it. -arfeifei(老顽童); 2011-12-9 (#7131847@0)

+1， -sr-71(Blackbird); 2011-12-9 (#7131851@0)

Losers are not the ones who tried and lost. Losers are the ones who'd never win. 中文里就没有一个合适的词说，LOSER。 -walkalong(汉家儿郎); 2011-12-9 (#7131873@0)

窝囊废？ -princemeetsprincess(西门小鸟); 2011-12-9 (#7132013@0)

那人３段情都不成，断了还连着丝的不干脆，男人地不是，至少不是可托付心灵的人。 -walkalong(汉家儿郎); 2011-12-9 (#7132085@0)

兔子，把xxx的话当灰尘，那人从来就瞎捣鼓别人的语言 -littlesweetbean(咖啡卷发); 2011-12-9 (#7131900@0)

Hehe, I've been really jealous for sure, and also, I've been very stupid:) -freeofattachment(永夜); 2011-12-9 {1579} (#7132048@0)

本文发表在 rolia.net 枫下论坛Glad to hear all your voices, no matter you were supporting me or protesting me, I appreciate all of them. Now, I don’t' feel that alone, hehe, which is good. Keeping everything inside didn't do me any favor, it only drove me crazy. Did you ever feel something like, everything was good at the beginning, and one day your partner suddenly said 'It's not working simply because you're a woman!" It's only a metaphor but you get my point? The trigger of his intent of breaking-up lies in a fact which has been there all the time and it's not something I can choose to not be or give up.
I'm actually nothing as an unintelligent woman(at least that what I've heard from others all the time) so I've been hating myself all the time because I really don't know why I got stuck so badly. If he dug a deep hole in front of me, why I must jump into it? However, what has been happening all the time is, I volunteer to jump in the hole, then he pulled me out, and then indirectly pushed me in again, and then pulled me out.... it's a circle, how many women have done this in your life, once or twice?
I can't say I'm smart anymore because I'm apparently now. It's the totally opposite. I just want to hear what the other sisters and brothers thinking about this. Anyways, learn to be not stupid, that's it.
To make some people feel good, I would say 'I'm the bad person in our relationship, and I would like to take any responsibility to the failure of our relationship. But the good thing is, it's over.".
Don't be stupid as me. Your life will be different.更多精彩文章及讨论，请光临枫下论坛 rolia.net

Listen, if you don't love yourself, if you don't value yourself, NOBODY will love and value you. You will be in the same relationship no matter what kind of men you meet again, if you don't change. -princemeetsprincess(西门小鸟); 2011-12-9 (#7132068@0)
It's nothing to do with your inteligence.Some guy (just some, a lot are good) is not responsible, but he need woman, he'll continue to do this, until he either no desire for woman, or he feel tired and want to settle. -cristina(cristina); 2011-12-9 {484} (#7132488@0)
He had pattern in and out of relationship without solid reason or the girl left him, that's possible the two ex already figured that out.
Your inteligence will play a big role to find next one who want to settle down, not only in words. another thing, there is luck and there is timing. something we can control, something we cannot, your inteligence will let you control what you can control, and accept what you cannot control, meanwhile utilize whatever your resouces you have.
It's great when we fall in love, we are foolish. That time, our men will appreciate our silly things. That's great pleasure of life for both men and women. After a period of time, time to think about the marriage/comman law, we need brain. -cristina(cristina); 2011-12-9 (#7132531@0)

你不是他的那杯茶，move on吧。 -wildflower(心里长了草); 2011-12-9 (#7132396@0)

不聪明，但看到了满满的悲哀。这件事本身的悲哀，写文章的悲哀，放不下的悲哀，，，给自己一点时间和空间，把这些悲哀赶走吧。。。 -lifeisgoodd(life is fun); 2011-12-9 (#7132499@0)

感觉他也不是太坏。。。可能不再爱你了，但是也不想伤害你，说那番话让你有点自尊，意思是你是不错的。。。也有这个可能，以前的经历告诉他，挽留没有用，所以他不会再挽留任何人了。。有的人受过伤，很难再投入爱他人了。。 -9604(眯眯眼); 2011-12-9 (#7133168@0)

Agree. He got damaged badly right at the moment he was kicked off from his home. He died inside, forever. And -freeofattachment(永夜); 2011-12-9 {264} (#7133255@0)
Nobody and nothing could really fix him. I never prepared myself to admit this until to the end, I found I really have to. 'You always smile but in your eyes your sorrow shows'. That's me. Unfortunately, he could never tell.
And yes, I finally have to move on.

有的人跟咱们缘深，做了夫妻，有的命中就几年的缘，所以不要太难过。。。他也不容易，也是苦命人。。。 -9604(眯眯眼); 2011-12-9 (#7133295@0)

一声叹息 -freeofattachment(永夜); 2011-12-9 {1166} (#7133844@0)
本文发表在 rolia.net 枫下论坛是。其实一切都清楚，他不容易，每个人都不容易。其实心里很心疼他，知道他也不愿意这样但是他控制不了自己。他也很痛苦，可是又能如何？他要你不再做你了他才能和你在一起，否则他就三天打渔两天晒网让你心每天都悬在半空里，你心里苦了坚持不下去了说分吧他就说好吧然后过几天往回拉拉，偏偏没出息的自己总是念着旧情然后又相信又开始抱着希望，然后他见你又认真要投入了于是又怕了再往后退退。。。早就想离开了，不离开又怎样，别的都可以商量，可是至于连在一起的信念都发生动摇了，还有什么意义呢？其实我很怀念过去的日子，我们相处的几乎很好了，我心里很清楚如果我们是在婚姻里，我们之间的矛盾绝对不会把我们推到离婚的边缘。可是无奈的是，我们没有那一纸文书，就因了没有那一纸文书，没有那个共同的孩子，一切一切都可以放弃。无奈。
心里很多话想说，可是欲诉无人听。不敢再和他说，内心逼得自己疯了所以跑到这里来和自己的过去告别。不能再对他说，否则我们的分手就真的变成了游戏，分分合合。用一年的时间来分分合合，我们已经心力交瘁。也许这一次真的决定离开了。可是，心里真正担心的是他又回来找我，像过去每次一样。。。可是如果他不，就如我最开头的帖子说的一样，我心里不是嫉妒的问题，那种痛苦更是无以言表。你愿意面对这样的事实，你自己投入的爱着的男人其实根本没把你当回事？
也许应该什么都不再想了。让一切都淡淡的去吧。更多精彩文章及讨论，请光临枫下论坛 rolia.net

踹 -shenzhen(nemo); 2011-12-9 (#7133249@0)

也许该结束在这里牢骚了。也许一切都该结束了。 -freeofattachment(永夜); 2011-12-9 {420} (#7133894@0)

人这一辈子不公平的事太多，无奈的事也太多。你以为你好好的爱人，就可以好好的被爱。哎。你永远不会被一个从不曾爱你的人伤害，但是一个你曾经爱的，也深信爱你的人背叛了你，却可以毁灭你对爱的信念。
Christmas让一段感情的消逝变的更加伤感。常常想到GRAY'S ANATOMY中DEREK说的话，Christmas makes you want to be with the people you love. 可是，终于空无一人。
真的感谢大家陪我度过难关，第一次感觉到不那么孤独。祝福大家--圣诞快乐！！！

@Philadelphia

聪明的你看到了什么？

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