骑驴找马 ~ ~ -sr-71(I Would If I Could) @费城华人论坛:费城枫下论坛 The Rolia Forum of Philadelphia

枫下佳缘 / 情爱悠悠 / 最近date一位男士，三观比较接近，交谈还算愉快，但总是没有chemistry，是强迫自己再试试，还是干脆放弃？ -letschat(letschat); 2011-10-18 (#6993496@0)

what are 三观? -win(秋天的菠菜); 2011-10-18 (#6993501@0)

世界观、人生观、价值观（我猜得）或许还可能置换一下，外观， -melifeisgoodme(好心情); 2011-10-18 (#6993508@0)

政审? -healthy321(领导说:做人要低调.); 2011-10-18 (#6993556@0)
You got it. -letschat(letschat); 2011-10-18 (#6993619@0)
这么深奥?... -jesse_dd(紫飞鱼); 2011-10-18 (#6994330@0)

上下观，左右观，前后观。。。 -thornthorn($oOHoly MolyOo$); 2011-10-18 (#6993517@0)

您老高寿？ -alones12(大风中的承诺); 2011-10-18 (#6993502@0)

你想加进去？ -vavav(山野兔子); 2011-10-18 (#6993906@0)

如果你还25岁左右就立马换掉，如果很老，就将就吧 -jessicalu(风中的承诺); 2011-10-18 (#6993504@0)
骑驴找马 ~ ~ -sr-71(I Would If I Could); 2011-10-18 (#6993512@0)
检讨一下,看成三围接近了.... -imperialgriffin(皇家狮鹫); 2011-10-18 (#6993513@0)
Let him go. -curve(curve); 2011-10-18 (#6993519@0)
it depends on you are looking for marriage, or love affairs. -lilianliang(彪妹); 2011-10-18 {402} (#6993529@0)
if you are looking for marriage, look for something like personality, temper, education, or maybe wealth....etc which can decide the happiness and possibility of a long-lasting marriage life, all above is just a list of sample, choose the ones you think the most important;

if you are looking for love affairs, then chemistry is important.

trust me, marriage doesn't have to come with chemistry.

Biaomei has lots of experience! -fwc(俯卧撑); 2011-10-18 (#6993600@0)
Thanks Lilian! That's exactly what i thought at the beginning when i date him. I told myself if i am looking for marriage i should concentrate on the main points as you suggested. -letschat(letschat); 2011-10-18 {150} (#6993615@0)
And so far all seems well except that i dont really want to be physically close to him. How can I marry him if i dont even want to be touched by him??

i understand, you don't have any "passion" on him....... let me think about it and see what else can i suggest. :-) -lilianliang(彪妹); 2011-10-18 {25} (#6993659@0)
thank you for your trust.

You are right, i dont feel the click at all. -letschat(letschat); 2011-10-18 (#6993711@0)

问问你的医生，下次约会，两人先吃VG再谈。 -bricksonly(鑫鑫鑫鑫鑫鑫鑫鑫鑫); 2011-10-18 (#6993551@0)

VG没有这种作用 -firetrain(火车头); 2011-10-18 (#6993568@0)

随着心吧 -fly_universe(飞越时空); 2011-10-18 (#6993558@0)
估计你喜欢跳舞，带他去上节舞蹈课试试，如果搂着你的时候你还没什么感觉，就算了吧。 -c1xwy(洪兴罩俺去战斗); 2011-10-18 (#6993626@0)

no i dont even feel comfortable if he stays close to me. -letschat(letschat); 2011-10-18 (#6993708@0)

那还在一起干什么，赶紧换人。 -c1xwy(洪兴罩俺去战斗); 2011-10-18 (#6993725@0)

As Lilian said, he has all other main points matched, thats why i still hesitate to leave. -letschat(letschat); 2011-10-18 (#6993736@0)

it's too crucial to say but it's true~ -lilianliang(彪妹); 2011-10-18 {579} (#6993746@0)
all the passion will vanish after marriage, and some of the bright features making you "love & passionate" on him will turn to dark features, but those you did not even pay attention to will dominate your marriage life~

it is quite negative saying about marriage but it happens everyday on married couples~

well, i am not an optimistic person (especially towards marriage), but i can tell some truth that nobody else can tell you~

don't expect too much, then you will have less chance to be disappointed.....

am I a bad person to say this to an unmarried lady? :-(

No its not bad or crucial to say that at all, this is life and we have to live with it. I understand all the truth and what you said about vanished passion. -letschat(letschat); 2011-10-18 {114} (#6993794@0)
I just hope that i can have a slice of feeling towards him so i would feel bearable to be physically close to him.

另外问一句，你对另外的人有感觉吗？ -melifeisgoodme(好心情); 2011-10-18 (#6993804@0)

Yes, i had feeling towards the one i like, thats why i know something is wrong here. -letschat(letschat); 2011-10-18 (#6993840@0)

oh, that's too bad....... the one you liked, does he like you? -lilianliang(彪妹); 2011-10-18 (#6993873@0)

obviously no :( well, i thought ls just wanted to make sure that i am normal :) -letschat(letschat); 2011-10-18 (#6993999@0)

两个都要吧，跟他们谈妥，一个精神，一个身体。 -melifeisgoodme(好心情); 2011-10-18 {14} (#6993921@0)
哈哈，我乱说的

好主意 -vavav(山野兔子); 2011-10-18 (#6993935@0)

还想和她说------不经历人渣，怎么能出嫁，没有人能随随便便成妈。 -melifeisgoodme(好心情); 2011-10-18 (#6993993@0)

i had experience and i know how to distingush good ones and bad ones. The problem i have now is will i take a person that i have no passion with. So far i cant even bear to be close with him, how can i take to the next step? -letschat(letschat); 2011-10-18 (#6994008@0)

所以。。。还问什么？ -vavav(山野兔子); 2011-10-18 (#6994013@0)
骑驴找马 ~ ~ -sr-71(I Would If I Could); 07:38 (#6993512@0) -lilianliang(彪妹); 2011-10-18 (#6994020@0)
You are not fair to him... -jesse_dd(紫飞鱼); 2011-10-18 (#6994346@0)

你们日常的饮食习惯可能有很大差别，所以他身上的味道你接受不了，聊聊饮食，说不定就发现巨大的差别了。 -c1xwy(洪兴罩俺去战斗); 2011-10-18 (#6993751@0)

hehe, no, you didnt get it, its not that his smell i can't take, its as Lilian said, i dont have a passion. He is like my friend or my brother, i dont feel right to be close with him physically. -letschat(letschat); 2011-10-18 (#6993782@0)

是不是门里还有人啊，哈哈 -slakingdude(无氏); 2011-10-18 (#6993787@0)
建议放弃。我一般不说这个话，既然像兄弟一样的感觉，除非有一种乱的爱好，不然还是放弃 -melifeisgoodme(好心情); 2011-10-18 (#6993798@0)
传闻中的蓝颜？ -snowmm(十五); 2011-10-18 (#6993809@0)

我也想说这个，哈哈，这个情况下勾引他不好 -melifeisgoodme(好心情); 2011-10-18 (#6993824@0)
not really, he has feeling towards me. We met through dating website so we all knew why we are here. -letschat(letschat); 2011-10-18 (#6993836@0)

Probably he is too 木呐? Can I ask how old you are? It seems like you are still at the age looking for romantic? If you are still young, I would strongly suggest you forget about him, seeking for more different experience. -ageisnotaproblem(我就是我); 2011-10-18 (#6993827@0)

Yes, he is a bit nerd and not expereinced at all, although both of us are not young anymore. -letschat(letschat); 2011-10-18 (#6993852@0)

maybe try to go out for some outdoor activities and see how you get along. If you still have no feeling, you might have to reconsider it. -ageisnotaproblem(我就是我); 2011-10-18 (#6993863@0)

we went to hiking one day, only two of us. so far we met for 3 times, seems he has feelings and called me everyday or email me if i didnt pick up his phone, i feel a bit too much sometimes. -letschat(letschat); 2011-10-18 (#6993874@0)

all I can suggest is to take a step back and give yourself more time to think about/feel it. -ageisnotaproblem(我就是我); 2011-10-18 (#6993895@0)

i will take your suggestion, step back a bit and see how it goes. -letschat(letschat); 2011-10-18 (#6994016@0)

三次见面还是感觉不comfortable的，基本很难培养感情。 -snowmm(十五); 2011-10-18 (#6993784@0)

really?! he even went to my place, we chatted very well, i can even make jokes and he can get it. hehe, everything sounds correct except i dont have feelings :( -letschat(letschat); 2011-10-18 (#6993845@0)

禽兽不如的故事发生了。。。 -melifeisgoodme(好心情); 2011-10-18 (#6993929@0)

hehe, i actually thought about it at that time. I appreciate his decency but to be honest, it doesnt work. Guys, here is the lesson, show your passion if you really like the girl! -letschat(letschat); 2011-10-18 (#6993968@0)

but you said it's YOU who does not have a passion. Do you think if he showed his passion, it will pass it onto you??? -ageisnotaproblem(我就是我); 2011-10-18 (#6993981@0)

Good question. I dont know the answer, maybe or maybe not. -letschat(letschat); 2011-10-18 (#6994028@0)

送一句话-----问世间情为何物，只叫人拖去衣裤。 -melifeisgoodme(好心情); 2011-10-18 (#6993982@0)

啊, 你们都是见个二三面, 就要脱去衣裤吗? -51fun(逗你玩儿); 2011-10-18 {23} (#6994021@0)
不是说有时要欲擒故纵吗?

oh, you got that, if a man really likes a girl, he will be so passionate, you don't need to remind him at all. the question is, does he really like you? similar thoughts do not necessary make a man like a woman -princemeetsprincess(西门小鸟); 2011-10-18 (#6994073@0)

i hope at this moment we are on the same page, but he showed his passion in other format, he called me everyday, or emailed me, concerned a lot if i didnt pickup his call...etc. -letschat(letschat); 2011-10-18 {137} (#6994219@0)
i appreciate all what he did, but actually i hope he wouldnt be caring that much at this stage, since i dont think we are that close yet.

the problem is why do you want to say yes to something you don't want? lots of guys out there can be your perfect match and they are good marriage material! happiness comes from choosing, not comprimising. -princemeetsprincess(西门小鸟); 2011-10-18 (#6994338@0)

不明白，这样你还想将就？为什么？害怕找不到更好的？why put yourself in such a low self-esteem situation? there is always better man next to him. -princemeetsprincess(西门小鸟); 2011-10-18 (#6994030@0)

from my experience, other than he is not physically appealing to me, we are pretty matched as i said (or as Lilian listed), i dont want to make a wrong decision that i will regret afterwards. -letschat(letschat); 2011-10-18 (#6994077@0)

you will make the biggest mistake taking something less than what you want. even if you get married with him, so what? one day you will be so hungry for some passion in your life but you already have 3 kids and a house with 500,000 mortgage. -princemeetsprincess(西门小鸟); 2011-10-18 (#6994093@0)

单身太久了，有些东西就可有可无了。 -bti2005(douglas); 2011-10-18 (#6993720@0)
最近date一位女士，三围比较接近，交谈还算愉快，但总是没有chemistry，是强迫自己再试试，还是干脆放弃 -yesiam(party time); 2011-10-18 (#6993761@0)

三围比较接近~~~~~水桶啊~~~~~~ -dong3213(住在肥皂泡里的牛); 2011-10-18 (#6993811@0)

要么就是竹竿 -yo1yo2(青青。漫步雲端); 2011-10-18 (#6993854@0)

别污蔑水桶跟竹子，人家还是有CURVE滴 -canadiantired(笑傲江胡); 2011-10-18 (#6993945@0)

You are so mean....:P -jesse_dd(紫飞鱼); 2011-10-18 (#6994354@0)

有chemistry,可三观不接近，交谈不愉快。。。唉。。。 -vavav(山野兔子); 2011-10-18 (#6993901@0)

100% give up for sure... Chemistry won't last long -ageisnotaproblem(我就是我); 2011-10-18 (#6993917@0)

但那是基础 -vavav(山野兔子); 2011-10-18 (#6993948@0)

but if 三观不接近, the future life will be very tough. -ageisnotaproblem(我就是我); 2011-10-18 (#6993954@0)

没有chemistry，只适合发好人卡 -melifeisgoodme(好心情); 2011-10-18 (#6993974@0)

原来如此啊！。。。。26年前，我对一个女生说你是好人 by melifeisgoodme (好心情) at 2011.10.17 13:37 (#6991949@0) -cute99(behappy); 2011-10-18 (#6994739@0)

这个都翻出来了 -melifeisgoodme(好心情); 2011-10-18 (#6994759@0)

有了那个啥以后，三观就统一了 -vavav(山野兔子); 2011-10-18 (#6994007@0)

hope it goes your way, good luck :-) -ageisnotaproblem(我就是我); 2011-10-18 (#6994024@0)

哈哈。。。我是在这里起哄 -vavav(山野兔子); 2011-10-18 (#6994029@0)

oops ... I am tricked -ageisnotaproblem(我就是我); 2011-10-18 (#6994034@0)

不过，我说的是有道理的，没有想亲近的感觉作为基础，二个人怎么处？ -vavav(山野兔子); 2011-10-18 (#6994066@0)

thats my point, no matter how much i know we are matched, i still dont have feelings. maybe it takes time... -letschat(letschat); 2011-10-18 (#6994180@0)

说白了，就是那人不够帅，不够性感而已。。你是physical & mental attraction 都要要的。。 -snow_bird(sunshine); 2011-10-18 (#6994198@0)

想要100%，不容易呀 -melifeisgoodme(好心情); 2011-10-18 (#6994208@0)
not really, i dated with someone who is not handsome before, appearance seems didnt play that much in my decision. -letschat(letschat); 2011-10-18 (#6994237@0)

那就是气质不对了。。。这事自己看着办。。 -snow_bird(sunshine); 2011-10-18 (#6994254@0)
So...what's holding you back to cut him loose?... -jesse_dd(紫飞鱼); 2011-10-18 {27} (#6994419@0)
Fear of lose a backup plan?

营造点LM 气氛试试看：房间的布置，墙壁窗帘和家具的颜色，双方的穿着，谈话的 topic，约会的时间，等等。。。 -cute99(behappy); 2011-10-18 (#6994459@0)

兔子 XB 自己 chemestry 有富余。。。真骚！。。。LOL！ -cute99(behappy); 2011-10-18 (#6994441@0)

还闷烧 -melifeisgoodme(好心情); 2011-10-18 (#6994473@0)
我的话里没有骚味啊 -vavav(山野兔子); 2011-10-18 (#6994535@0)

还闷烧 -melifeisgoodme(好心情); 13:01 (#6994473@0）。。。闷骚的都这样，看着听着木骚味,。。。但chemistry level 比别人高，骚骨子里了！ -cute99(behappy); 2011-10-18 (#6994697@0)

Yes...start point of a beautiful friendship/relationship....哈哈.... -jesse_dd(紫飞鱼); 2011-10-18 (#6994360@0)

chemistry can happen to more people, but marriage can only tie to few~ -lilianliang(彪妹); 2011-10-18 (#6994012@0)

hey, by the way, how do you know he wants to marry her? do you think he is stupid? if a man can't wait to marry a woman has no feeling for him, you should question what kind of man he is that makes him lose self-esteem. -princemeetsprincess(西门小鸟); 2011-10-18 (#6994038@0)

I don't agree. Maybe he loves her very much and believe his effort could change her, this is nothing to do with self-esteem. -ageisnotaproblem(我就是我); 2011-10-18 (#6994045@0)

if you "love" someone doesn't even have feeling for you, that is low self-esteem because you don't value yourself -princemeetsprincess(西门小鸟); 2011-10-18 (#6994052@0)

well, the feeling could be changed with time. Not many people would love somebody at the first few glance... -ageisnotaproblem(我就是我); 2011-10-18 {158} (#6994078@0)
I am not encouraging people to marry with somebody who does not love back. But if they decide to marry, there must be at least some good feeling between them.

是会变化的，但那是以后二人相处的事。。。开始肯定要有 -vavav(山野兔子); 2011-10-18 (#6994098@0)
ask yourself what love is, what you are talking about sounds like a fling. -princemeetsprincess(西门小鸟); 2011-10-18 (#6994103@0)

dont get me wrong. I am not encouraging people to marry with somebody who does not love back. But if they decide to marry, there must be at least some good feeling between them. Also marriage is much more than love. Love is the one factor, not all -ageisnotaproblem(我就是我); 2011-10-18 (#6994148@0)

dear, LOVE BACK and NO FEELING AT ALL are two different terms. you may love someone but do not need him/her to love back, i would even say that is true love. but if you "love" someone has no feeling for you, please question your self-esteem. -princemeetsprincess(西门小鸟); 2011-10-18 (#6994365@0)

这真热闹。。。想怎么干怎么干。。。自己的事自己做主好了。。。 -snow_bird(sunshine); 2011-10-18 (#6994152@0)

说话很粗鲁啊 -vavav(山野兔子); 2011-10-18 (#6994366@0)

雪鸟，看他们太墨迹了 -melifeisgoodme(好心情); 2011-10-18 (#6994373@0)

是墨迹。。。想不出来，都没有耍流氓的想法，还相处干什么 -vavav(山野兔子); 2011-10-18 (#6994391@0)

这就是我。。。 -snow_bird(sunshine); 2011-10-18 (#6994397@0)

你想怎么干？ -vavav(山野兔子); 2011-10-18 (#6994402@0)

no click is no click... -jesse_dd(紫飞鱼); click is click-jesse_dd(紫飞鱼); -melifeisgoodme(好心情); 2011-10-18 (#6994410@0)

你...你... -jesse_dd(紫飞鱼); 2011-10-18 {28} (#6994425@0)
后半句是你说的, 好不好?...:)

他耍流氓了？ -vavav(山野兔子); 2011-10-18 (#6994445@0)

好象是的...对你耍...你反抗的不错.....你想怎么干？ -vavav(山野兔子); -jesse_dd(紫飞鱼); 2011-10-18 (#6994472@0)

我对兔子只有兄弟之情，没有可能有chemistry -melifeisgoodme(好心情); 2011-10-18 {18} (#6994480@0)
你污蔑我就是。。。

谁说是你耍啦.... -jesse_dd(紫飞鱼); 2011-10-18 {7} (#6994496@0)
哈哈...

难道你在耍。。。。 -melifeisgoodme(好心情); 2011-10-18 {16} (#6994499@0)
你说雪鸟。。。。

我啥也没说....:)) -jesse_dd(紫飞鱼); 2011-10-18 (#6994509@0)

0 -melifeisgoodme(好心情); 2011-10-18 (#6994516@0)

这叫推理而得 -melifeisgoodme(好心情); 2011-10-18 (#6994468@0)

推理的话...就是你自己的结论啊... -jesse_dd(紫飞鱼); 2011-10-18 (#6994491@0)

问你的心想要什么？发生对你无吸引力的原因是什么？可能是他相貌相对你年龄差大，或他身材不好，体味或口味，或两人都是比较安静的类型，说话无趣等等。。。 -11219(11219); 2011-10-18 (#6994228@0)

No...it's just chemistry...no click is no click...no reason stated... -jesse_dd(紫飞鱼); 2011-10-18 (#6994385@0)

? -lilianliang(彪妹); 2011-10-18 (#6994420@0)

"发生对你无吸引力的原因是什么？"...能找出原因吗?... -jesse_dd(紫飞鱼); 2011-10-18 {38} (#6994437@0)
比如动物之间...也分析这个原因吗?....:)

这年头, 一把年纪，经济危机，还被人摆上台, 男主角不容易啊。。。。 -sunday8(每个年头都有新的梦景); 2011-10-18 {130} (#6994528@0)
if u don't like him, simply walk away and give him a break.. 不要浪费别人的感情.不是所有人都喜欢被摆上台..尊重别人也是尊重自己..

this note does not mean to disrespect him, please do not take it that way. -letschat(letschat); 2011-10-18 (#6994686@0)

我还以为是卖血的许三观。 -caa(移民的孙悟空lifeisok); 2011-10-18 (#6994716@0)

LZ是不是抱怨那位男士太过斯文，没有主动出击，错过大好时机而令LZ恼羞成怒，以至产生反感情绪。所谓男人不坏，女人不爱，奥妙于此；LZ之心结，那位男士若能解开，此事还可成；若仍执迷不悟，此事休已 -no_kidding(nokidding); 2011-10-18 (#6994749@0)

i am not complaining, i am trying to figure out my next step, thats it. -letschat(letschat); 2011-10-18 (#6995042@0)

@Philadelphia

骑驴找马 ~ ~

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