The other kids should learn from her. No matter we like it or not, you would always see similar around you. Apparently most of them are very successful! I have tried very hard to market myself in front of my clients in the last 10 years. -hkchan(0) @费城华人论坛:费城枫下论坛 The Rolia Forum of Philadelphia

枫下家园 / 望子成龙 / Do you want your kids to be 头号笑柄 in school? Well, I do in certain situations. -hkchan(0); 2009-12-27 {1182} (#5766017@0)
本文发表在 rolia.net 枫下论坛My girl used to be very good in academic and helping teachers in school. But in 1 term, she suddenly changed. Her results dropped and she didn't coorporate with her teachers. Her teacher worried what happened and discussed with us about the situation. It took us a long time to find out that her best friends make fun of her that she was a geek and teachers' baby. She didn't want to lost their friendship; so she acted like them. Don't do homework, pretended not knowing the test or questions from teachers.

It took us a while to explain to her that it was OK if someone make fun of her if she was too good. I asked her 10 years from now if she wants to apply to university with average grade 90+ and 20 good reference from her teachers or average grade 70 and 20 good reference from her best friends.

Now she has another set of "best friends" who all study hard and help teachers after school. And all of them do care what other people call them. They stay focus and know what they are doing.

So do you want your kids to be 头号笑柄 in school? My girl does not mind any more! How about yours?

Actually, the same concept applies in your career as well.更多精彩文章及讨论，请光临枫下论坛 rolia.net

very very good -mikesmith(老猫); 2009-12-27 (#5766019@0)
Actually, the same concept applies in your career as well. -- Could you elaborate on this? -james4rn(james); 2009-12-27 (#5766023@0)
孩子和什么样的朋友打交道还是很重要的。尤其是孩子小的时候，主动积极地和孩子朋友的家长打交道，了解他们对education的态度。 -hhorse(hhorse); 2009-12-27 (#5766026@0)
那是你女儿找到了another set of "best friends"，如果一个朋友也没有，你还愿意么？ -c1xwy(洪兴罩俺去战斗); 2009-12-27 (#5766043@0)

如果这样的孩子找不到朋友，那就说明需要搬家了。 -hhorse(hhorse); 2009-12-27 (#5766047@0)

孩子的同学有个女生和你女儿差不多，成绩很好，但是学校里没朋友，站在旁人眼光看，不是学习太好的原因，而是干什么都太功利，抢别人孩子的风头，大家做了好事，她总是第一个表功，所以大家不喜欢， -sodo(..); 2009-12-28 (#5767126@0)

这种女人成功的很多，如章子怡，和邓文迪类 -sodo(..); 2009-12-28 (#5767136@0)

mean -mikesmith(老猫); 2009-12-28 (#5767139@0)

不是mean，而是家长只看到自己孩子的好处，其他所有孩子的mean？这样培养出来的女孩子会很有才能，但长期不被大多数周围的人和同事认可，无所谓别人的眼光，这也是一条成功的出路，很多人愿意走，很多人不原意走 -sodo(..); 2009-12-28 (#5767147@0)

agreed -mikesmith(老猫); 2009-12-28 (#5767154@0)
很多人不喜欢这样的人, 但是有相当的人欣赏这样的人, 而且成功总是与多数人没什么关系 -mickeyh(mickey); 2009-12-28 (#5767177@0)

They have a very simple and clear objective. They would do whatever they can to achieve their target. Personally, I admire them. I wish I can be as strong as they are. -hkchan(0); 2009-12-28 (#5767181@0)

产先生不必谦虚，午餐抱大腿，你干的一点不差。要是有邓文迪一半姿色，相信你的劈叉功，一定更胜一筹。 -oldyou(); 2009-12-28 (#5767191@0)

it depends on the definition of "success". to me, making people around me having a happy life is the number 1 criteria. -mikesmith(老猫); 2009-12-28 (#5767300@0)

also depends on how u define "people around you ", -mickeyh(mickey); 2009-12-28 (#5767304@0)

如果你的能力只够完美自己, 不够提携别人怎么办? -mickeyh(mickey); 2009-12-28 (#5767325@0)

I truly respect people who can bring happier life to other people. And please think about you can help more people when you are in management. How about helping someone to promote to a position that he was capable of? -hkchan(0); 2009-12-28 {173} (#5767311@0)
He didn't get the promotion because he never market his success and talents. And you helped him to market.

You can bring happiness to more people if you have the power.

老猫能够Make Happy的，只有猫太一位。你让他Help others，如同出轨的广告，贴上TTC公车。猫太不急，小猫也要跟你急。 -oldyou(); 2009-12-28 (#5767353@0)

孩子与成人不同。产先生无论抱大腿，还是练劈叉，均属个人取向无可厚非。孩子健康第一，有努力成功的心，同时还要有接受平庸的量。 -oldyou(); 2009-12-28 (#5767199@0)

老油虽然狂人呓语, 但好多话确实在点子上. -wincity(toad); 2009-12-28 (#5767291@0)

The other kids should learn from her. No matter we like it or not, you would always see similar around you. Apparently most of them are very successful! I have tried very hard to market myself in front of my clients in the last 10 years. -hkchan(0); 2009-12-28 {1234} (#5767206@0)
本文发表在 rolia.net 枫下论坛I wish I know all these marketing techniques when I was 10.

I know a lot of Chinese IT professionals who are 10 time smarter than me and 10 times more technical competent than me but they always sit in front of their computer. They don't attend company X'mas party or ski or golf events.

I spent a lot of time networking with my clients, and senior management. My boss even asked if I even needed an office at all because he was never able to find me in my office.

I showed off my success in front of my boss and his management team. I know some Chinese even said I was 厚顏無恥. I don't know why! I never stole credit from other people. All I did was if I did anything great, I make sure everyone know about it.

You may not agree with what I did but the fact is people who choose to market themselves in front of their clients and senior management have far better chance to get a promotion than those who spend 100% of their time in front of their computer and never attend any company event.

That applies to both children and adult. And let me ask the question again, do you think you get 20 good reference from teachers is more important than from your classmate when you apply to university or a job?更多精彩文章及讨论，请光临枫下论坛 rolia.net

I agree with u for the most part, but how do u solve this problem: sometime u feel people hate u just because u r greater than them? that is really not a good feeling. u feel guilty even u have not done anything really wrong -mickeyh(mickey); 2009-12-28 (#5767215@0)

That happens and it would never stop! My daugther felt very bad! I felt very bad when I heard someone said I was 厚顏無恥! I never said it was easy for me and my daugther! You have to ask yourself what your objective is! -hkchan(0); 2009-12-28 {790} (#5767233@0)
Stay focus! If your objective is to be success, then you should ask what can bring you success. The good feeling that everyone like you or you become the youngest VP in your company?

It is not easy to be in management team and I have to be honest with you. I failed because I couldn't stand the heat. But for those who can stand the heat, I hope to share with you my experience.

And please, please don't believe me! Look around your company and see if there is any superstar who become VP before 30; observe what they do! Follow their footsteps! Learn from success person if you want to be successful.

I am very grateful that I meet some very nice people who share with me their roadmap to success. I failed them but I wish other would success. It may be you or my kids!

子曰：天将降大任于斯人也，必将劳其心智，劈叉其腿。 -oldyou(); 2009-12-28 (#5767248@0)
其实我觉得你说得很对, 周围的人们,有的叫做朋友, 你可以照顾他们的感觉, 但是到头来你会发现他们什么也不是, 连朋友也不是真的, 何苦为这些无谓的人耗伤自己的心智.还真是FOCUS在自己的事业上, 成功了, 所有几几各各的人们又会突然好象变得友善了: -mickeyh(mickey); 2009-12-28 {90} (#5767261@0)
人这个东西, 就是用来'玩"的. 这是我先生当年说过的一句话, 我骂他MEAN, 现在看来, 他都说对了

人以类聚，物以群分 -wonder05(sunny); 2009-12-28 (#5767275@0)

这种道貌岸然的话说来太容易了, 实际上我还真希望我归到他一类, 但是实际上, 我是比较失败的一种, 因为太真实了. 人家虽然是"玩"人, 但是到头来玩得大家都挺高兴. 真是不知道说什么好 -mickeyh(mickey); 2009-12-28 (#5767348@0)

真是不知道说什么好 -mickeyh(mickey)，Pat pat，想干嘛干嘛吧 -wonder05(sunny); 2009-12-28 (#5767377@0)

老油当年的乡亲，18如花的姑娘结伴南下卖春，老人家都是痛感有辱门风，欲死欲活。眼看左邻右舍一家家起高楼，衣锦还乡，当年的痛心疾首，变成悔悟太迟。 -oldyou(); 2009-12-28 (#5767276@0)

that is why they r ur 乡亲, not my 乡亲 -mickeyh(mickey); 2009-12-28 (#5767305@0)

I did my best to take care them. I setup meeting so that they can present their system to management. I wish 20 years from now, more and more VP can be Chinese. We are very analytical, logical and technical. We have good potential! -hkchan(0); 2009-12-28 {568} (#5767281@0)
If we can move a few steps toward marketing ourselves, we can be more successful!

Don't know where you work but try to do something simple in 2010. Whenever you see someone who is not in your team, ask them if they have time to have a cup of coffee. Try it at least once a week, very soon, you would find it is not difficult to talk to other people! Ask them what they do lately, any challenge? And then just listen! If you happen to have any suggestion, don't hestiate to mention it.

It took me a lot of courage to try it but once you get used to it.....

万事开头难，人身都有第一次。 -oldyou(); 2009-12-28 (#5767283@0)

are you selling your Pink theory :) -glair(五味子); 2009-12-30 (#5770651@0)

hi, the parents should be consider whether they are teachering their kid the right thing in this case -lucy09(lucy); 2009-12-28 {500} (#5767429@0)
I 've knew a girl like the one you described and met with her mother before. The mother really think is that other girls are picking her daughter, I was trying hard to convince her, no one girl in the same school/classroom is doing something bad to her daughter, but... as many other parents, always think that's somebody's fault, how can you be accepted in the community in this way? being a parent is not a easy job, I 've learning this stuff before my son was born , well, still keep learning!

I aslo do't mind if my kids become 头号笑柄 if they don't 吸毒 and 酗酒. So far, I haven't heard these are the requirements of university entrance. I never smoke and back in school, my classmate challenged if I were a man. -hkchan(0); 2009-12-28 {246} (#5767361@0)
I challenged them if they dared to smoke like a man in front of our headmaster! I called them coward because they didn't even dare to stand up for what they believed, i.e. they had the right to smoke in school and force all other kids to smoke!
hi, I don’t think being 头号笑柄has something to do with success. You can -lucy09(lucy); 2009-12-28 {593} (#5767419@0)
fit in between these two. That’s the leadership skills. A child can be the smartest kid in the school/class, and at the same time, being the most/almost popular student in school. I think parents should think about this then pass on the right message to their kids. You always get A+? Fine, then you should think about helping others to get A+ together! Show them your kindness, your friendly attitude first. in most case, other kids will appreciate that and be your friend finally. I always remind my son about helping others, and make progress together, we never find a situation like that.

所以人家说，Chiese Mom，只知道成绩单上ABC，如同幼儿园的小朋友，得朵小红花，满脸喜洋洋。同班的风流儿女，喝酒之余抽麻之后，一定把这种傻蛋拿来八卦。 -oldyou(); 2009-12-28 (#5767431@0)
学习好，乐于助人的孩子，到哪里都会受欢迎。 -fjrolia(fjrolia); 2009-12-28 (#5767466@0)

您的观点偏驳了。成为头号笑柄是一个问题，学习好受嫉妒可能只是一面。应该分析一下个人在学校和别人交流的方法和其他方面的问题。让孩子不介意只是躲避问题。孩子可能养成偏激的坚强性格，难以享受正常的幸福的青少年生活 -firefly888(意如流水任东西); 2009-12-28 (#5767484@0)

Thanks, any suggestion on how to 分析? -hkchan(0); 2009-12-28 (#5767609@0)

最好的方法就是到学校去看看就知道了, 例如中午吃饭时间, 课间时间, 甚至上课时间去做义工, 就知道是孩子在群体里的位置了. 我们华人孩子也是没办法, 能否做到POPULAR, 也要看家庭环境和父母的类型. -xiaoxiuliang(xiaoxiu); 2009-12-29 (#5768455@0)
hi, i don't want to offend you, but I have something want to share with you: there is a western saying that(Greek?), people will know the parents by just looking at their kids. -lucy09(lucy); 2009-12-30 {265} (#5771478@0)
I have many people(western people) told me that, they already know me how i am before meeting me, only by knowing my son. another saying is(i got this from a parental course): you can't change somebody else(your kids, spouse...), but you can change yourself first.

There is no offense! We just shared our view and discuss things that we may not agree. It is difficult to change but I try very hard to change. I have to be more outgoing and market myself much harder since I now have my own business. -hkchan(0); 2009-12-30 {177} (#5771520@0)
Regarding my kids, I (and their teachers) discuss with them but I let them make the decisions themselves. She wants to study art which I really not agree, but it is her choice.

you might not realy understand what i was saying? -lucy09(lucy); 2009-12-30 {160} (#5771550@0)
我是说，如你的小孩在校，在外面与人交往有这样那样的问题，先捡查一下你做为家长有没有类似的问题？孩子是我们的镜子。你如何待人，就期待你孩子学了你如何待人---同勉

I am not as smart as my kid; so I didn't have this problem when I was in school. I didn't have similar problem when I was just a technical staff. However, I had similar problem when I started to market myself by going out -hkchan(0); 2009-12-30 {722} (#5771688@0)
to have lunch with my boss, my clients.... People said things about me was 100 times dirtier! When I got promoted to director, it was even worse.

You may want to read 新派白骨精's comment on me "偶有在职场上遇到像你这般的"厚颜无耻“的人，自以为是的认为自己很成功，像跳梁小丑一般表现着，尽一切所能亲吻老板的马屁，以为自己进入管理层，实际上就是一小秘，还认不清自己位置。make me sick. "

I just had lunch with my boss, and my clients to understand their business problems in a more casual environment. I helped them to reslove their problems. And I offered my successful story to try to help more Chinese to become management and this is the feedback. I have no idea how 新派白骨精 came up with such conclusion.
http://www.rolia.net/f/post.php?f=0&b=20&c=2450&tno=639109&pno=5768410&

hi, just read your reply..you -lucy09(lucy); 2009-12-31 {1545} (#5773433@0)
本文发表在 rolia.net 枫下论坛you still don’t quite understand what I am talking about. you might as well have problems on the relationships among your surroundings--not only your kid(s).(boss, clients, colleague. etc)--not offensive though.
a truly success person will make friends with MOST of his/her surrounded people. you are success in the workplace with boss/clients, but not with other people--it's easily can be seen there is a problem right there and you don't want to fix it. no wonder other people don't like you or your actions.
风芒太露—it’s not your fault. I was a lot liked you when I was young—well, I still young though  but I always remind myself and my kid the following: Leadership consists of nothing but taking the responsibility for everything that goes wrong and giving your subordinates credit for everything that goes well---Dwight Eisenhower-美，艾森豪威尔将军。 try this, everybody will like you later :) .
my son is so outstanding in all areas that , as you can see, there were few kids didn't appreciate that and tried to give him hard time.... things happened ..., but, eventually, they understood and willingly want to be friends with my son, and they are good friends now!
keep your value as long as it’s a good one though
one more friend is much better than one more enemy.—a Chinese saying?
Thanks for the good heart to try to help other Chinese in their workplace. I also know my points of views might not easily be accepted by you or other people-I understand this when I close to 40th. Good luck.更多精彩文章及讨论，请光临枫下论坛 rolia.net

Agree with your opinions. -wonder05(sunny); 2009-12-31 (#5773489@0)

不知楼主看过一个叫《Election》的电影没有，可能对你有参考价值。 -yichen70(奕尘); 2009-12-29 (#5770043@0)

i like the movie, but failed to see the connection -mikesmith(老猫); 2009-12-30 (#5770691@0)

看不到connection，是因为你看不懂。如同老油的中文，总让产先生摸不着头脑。 -oldyou(); 2009-12-30 (#5770700@0)

古今中外卓尔不群者都是孤独的，但这不是最优秀的一种形态，孤芳自赏的结果很可能是抑郁而终， -jiayoujiaoer(戒骄戒躁); 2009-12-31 {571} (#5773590@0)
我理解的最优秀是能带动周围一群人优秀，这个基本上是种理想，是真正的LEADERSHIP,不过人的性格环境是不同的，我并不要求我家孩子很多，为了什么功利性的目的来彻底改变他们的性格，否则会太累，而且很多东西是天生的，不能强求，但作家长的要善于发现孩子的问题，并慢慢引导他们，向着他们的理想状态......
我以前公司的老板，是个英国人，一再告诫我在这里孩子一定要多交朋友，知道孩子上了GIFED班后，更是强调EQ远比IQ重要，前两天圣诞节来了封EMAIL，又提到了一下这个，要让他们出去多参加活动，学会跟各种人打交道........这样固然好，但我觉得也不必强求，人各有志，发挥自己的强项，扬长补短就好了........

@Philadelphia

The other kids should learn from her. No matter we like it or not, you would always see similar around you. Apparently most of them are very successful! I have tried very hard to market myself in front of my clients in the last 10 years.

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