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After 10 years marriage, husband turned out to be gay. Need suggestions how to handle such a case.

icysnow(snow)

FORGIVE ME I DON'T HAVE CHINESE INPUT. THAT'S WHY I HAVE TO WRITE IN ENGLISH.

we married in China in 1993. Got a son, 9 years old now. We've been together for OK time so far, we braved various hardships and recently husband said he's gay. He had such an sexual orientation before he married me. In 90s, it's not easy for people to accept gay concept, that's why he tried to correct his orientation by marrying me. But he's not happy, that's what he told me. I didn't really notice this since my sex desire is below average.
I thought we are a good couple, everybody else has the same idea. He began to chat with online gay friends now. he also wants to meet them. I plan to go away. but i really like the family structure we have already built up.
Please give me some advice how should i handle such a case.

(#1626344@0)
Last Updated: 2004-3-1
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枫下家园 / 家庭与子女 / After 10 years marriage, husband turned out to be gay. Need suggestions how to handle such a case. -icysnow(snow); 2004-3-1 {835} (#1626344@0)
FORGIVE ME I DON'T HAVE CHINESE INPUT. THAT'S WHY I HAVE TO WRITE IN ENGLISH.

we married in China in 1993. Got a son, 9 years old now. We've been together for OK time so far, we braved various hardships and recently husband said he's gay. He had such an sexual orientation before he married me. In 90s, it's not easy for people to accept gay concept, that's why he tried to correct his orientation by marrying me. But he's not happy, that's what he told me. I didn't really notice this since my sex desire is below average.
I thought we are a good couple, everybody else has the same idea. He began to chat with online gay friends now. he also wants to meet them. I plan to go away. but i really like the family structure we have already built up.
Please give me some advice how should i handle such a case.

Need your comments, please feel free to discuss it -icysnow(snow); 2004-3-1 (#1626573@0)

don't worry, this would be a hot topic by 7pm today -tester(test); 2004-3-1 (#1626581@0)

看過有關報導，中國的大部分同性戀男性有與異性結婚的經歷．有些就那樣過了一輩子，有些背著太太尋找自己的快樂．這是個社會問題，希望你不要過于責怪你丈夫．跟他分手吧，除非你能容忍他的那些行為． -rollor(Rollor); 2004-3-1 (#1626582@0)
#1623313 -piginheart(朱再新); 2004-3-1 (#1626586@0)
no good......... -babyface(▲▲阳光的味道▼▼); 2004-3-1 (#1626589@0)
I have to let him take care of my son. -icysnow(snow); 2004-3-1 {307} (#1626598@0)
He is a pretty nice person, does he deserve me to offer my rest of life to endure his behavior? Will he come back to me finally? I don't really need sex from him. But I've been feeling hurt so much these days. Would it be worse if he takes care of my son later on, since I don't have a job. he does.

有的女人能容忍丈夫三妻四妾，有的不能．這得問你自己．他骨子裡是同性戀，不會回心轉意的．單身母親生活辛苦，卻也受到社會照顧，況且，他也要支付扶養費用． -rollor(Rollor); 2004-3-1 (#1626608@0)

这里女士们最最不怕的就是离婚，特别是带孩离婚。 -cyd(cyd); 2004-3-1 (#1626618@0)

his love to his own son has nothing to do with his sexual orientation, I do not think there is any change before or after he told you he is gay. -table(桌子来了); 2004-3-1 (#1626619@0)

This is almost the same as what happened in movie "Far from Heaven". You can rent this movie and It may give you some idea about this situation. Hope you can find your own life. -racoon0(racoon); 2004-3-1 (#1626617@0)

I watched that movie...... -babyface(▲▲阳光的味道▼▼); 2004-3-1 (#1626621@0)
it is helpful to watch this movie. but maybe something differeta, the whole world has been changed so much, the story in the movie is about 1950+, right now, we are in the 2000+, right? -table(桌子来了); 2004-3-1 (#1626629@0)

but i assume the lady(poster) is more dependent than the female role in that movie. -babyface(▲▲阳光的味道▼▼); 2004-3-1 (#1626633@0)

别怕，他是个双性恋。我认识有个离了婚的女的就是这样子，你每个周放他出去跟男的做爱就可以相安无事了。 -ouyangke(欧阳克); 2004-3-1 (#1626660@0)

好一个"放"字?..............LOL -babyface(▲▲阳光的味道▼▼); 2004-3-1 (#1626667@0)
每周几次? -piginheart(朱再新); 2004-3-1 (#1626673@0)
so if he has another lover, let him go out seeing another woman will be fine also? :P -flyingpig(小飞猪); 2004-3-1 (#1626675@0)
Be care of HIV. -michellemf(damao); 2004-3-1 (#1626951@0)

maybe he just want to get rid of u because your sex desire is below average...lol.. -zippo(cHaRcOaL。。); 2004-3-1 (#1626715@0)

^ -greathill(greathill); 2004-3-1 (#1626722@0)

....anyway, 超强的一个坑或者case。。。 -zippo(cHaRcOaL。。); 2004-3-1 (#1626716@0)
夫妻缘分已尽，守着空壳有啥意思 -ningxin0809(雁影行洲); 2004-3-1 {279} (#1626732@0)
再说同性恋最是滥交，将来要是不3不4的人回家，大人知道是怎么回事，小孩子心理怕受不了。建议去找婚姻咨询顾问，他的公司应该有这项福利，两个人达成共识最好，还有加拿大好象有类似的协会，找找有相同背景经历的。
这样的人别等回头拉，等回来了，不知道有没有恶心的病，带累了你和孩子

Agree and disagree. it is so hard for any Chinese marriage to be end, so complicated, sometimes, even a empty shell is better a broken one in some Chinese mind -table(桌子来了); 2004-3-1 (#1627135@0)

Thank you all for the support. -icysnow(snow); 2004-3-2 {194} (#1627463@0)
What i'm trying to do now is to let him stick to the family. Try to keep the family same as before. That's the only way for son. Both me and my husband will suffer. But does it deserve it.

试试做爱的时候扮演男的，必要的话去买个性趣玩具，如果你领导满意的话就皆大欢喜了。 -ouyangke(欧阳克); 2004-3-2 (#1627467@0)
is this what we called 'sacrifice'? it is hard and complicated, take care and good luck! -table(桌子来了); 2004-3-2 (#1627481@0)

(#1622214) -table(桌子来了); 2004-3-5 (#1631981@0)

@Philadelphia

After 10 years marriage, husband turned out to be gay. Need suggestions how to handle such a case.

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